Why I Yell

Why I Yell

I yell because I’m angry!
Your turpitude aside,
You’ve made something inside feel broken,
you’ve skipped in line; you’re too outspoken.

I yell because I’m exhausted.
…because how many times do I have to say this?
You really are wearing me out.
And I know my last-resort shout will fade behind your ears,
but sometimes all you have left is something primal.

I yell because you hurt me.
…and there’s a lot of me to go around.
You’ve pushed and you’ve torn, and
when it feels like I’m in danger,
my angry voice is my shield.

I yell because you’re my reflection.
In some unexpected way, you’re behind the glass.
You’re all that lasts of what I remember passing
and because it was so long ago, my voice
needs to carry across great distances.

I yell because you’re tuning me out.
…because can you even hear me?
because there is so much noise in the world
and we must shove things in our ears to cancel it.

I yell because I am frightened.
There are nights I don’t sleep,
and you’ll never know –
…because do you know
how many dinners I’ve thought of you
instead of the person across from me?
There are days I take patience and stay
and every breath of my prayers is shrouded in your name.

I yell because I love you.
And maybe you don’t hear it enough.
And maybe it’s lame, but
you’re the reason I’ll never be the same –
you’ve sunk your teeth in
and I don’t feel the pain.

I give my life and all that I am
I stand right here and
I pause just there and
I pace.

And I stand, arms folded at the door.
I smile and remind; I call you by name
I see who you are, and I see who you want to be
I hear what you say, and I know what you think
I repeat what you’re looking for,

and I yell
big, booming lives,
big, stomping voice,

I yell because you’re still not listening,
I yell because have I made myself clear?
I yell because I’m actually here to,
and I yell because do you see anyone else here?

I return daily, insane they say,
I stand here
right here.

I yell because are you talking to me?
And my voice echoes in your ears
and I hope you never wonder
if I was talking to you.

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